


Lover

by Kenabee



Series: Inspired [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, But not today, F/F, Lover - Freeform, Taylor Swift inspired, USWNT, idk someday I’ll stop writing about them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 07:17:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20560376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenabee/pseuds/Kenabee
Summary: Christen wishes Tobin would just tell her what’s wrong, why she’s been acting so weird. She thought they were becoming friends, but maybe she’s read everything wrong and now she doesn’t know what to do. And she really wishes she’d stop feeling so nervous every time Tobin so much as looks at her.





	Lover

**Author's Note:**

> Idk how I’m still writing about these two but here we are. Taylor’s Lover album was practically written for them and I love it.

2017

“She’s my lover.” Tobin says and Christen chokes on her drink. 

“Seriously, that’s what you’re going with?” She says, and Tobin smiles brightly at her. Alex snorts, and Allie rolls her eyes to sky while Emily keeps laughing. 

“Yeah, what’s wrong with it?” She asks smirking and Christen groans. 

“I’m not letting you introduce me to your coach as your ‘lover’, Tobin. That’s weird.”

“It’s not weird! Mark will find it funny!” Emily is still laughing, and Alex hits her in the stomach to try and get her to stop, but it just sets her off harder. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” She says, getting it under control. “Can I be there when you introduce her?”

“No!”

“Yes!” Christen glares at Tobin, who shrinks a little under her gaze, but then winks at Emily. Christen groans, frustrated, and begins packing up her bag. “C’mon babe, it’s funny!”

“Okay.” Christen just says, standing and leaving the coffee shop. She’s actually fighting down a smile, but she doesn’t want any of them to know that. 

Christen walks home quickly, they’re only about two blocks from the apartment, and it’s nice weather, a little cloudy but breezy and warm. Her phone chimes just as she gets to the front door, and she smiles at Alex’s text. 

** Alex: you okay? **

** Christen: all good, I just like messing with her **

** Alex: don’t I know it **

** Alex: incoming btw, she left just after you **

** Christen: Thanks **

Tobin does come in, barely three minutes later, and Christen has to try very hard not to laugh. Her hair is a mess, tangled a bit on the top of her head, the way it does when she runs her hands through it too many times. She looks cute, and Christen would kiss her if she wasn’t still a little irritated. 

“Look I’m sorry, I promise I won’t introduce you as my lover, okay?” Tobin says and Christen smiles. 

“Okay.” She opens her arms and Tobin dives in next to her on the couch. Christen holds her tight, tangling their legs and forcing Tobin to lean back with her. “Love you.”

“I love you too.” Tobin says, smiling into Christen’s neck. “You were totally messing with me, weren’t you?”

“Oh yeah.” Tobin snorts and Christen smiles as she kisses her cheek. “But seriously you can’t introduce me like that.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

(She does, but luckily only to Emily, their junior trainer, and not to Mark. It is funny, but Christen taps her stomach in fake anger anyways.)

~~~

2014 

“Hey.” Tobin says, and Christen looks up from her book. Tobin’s shifting back and forth awkwardly, hands fidgeting with the edge of the hotel bed comforter. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Christen asks, laying her book down on her legs. Tobin shifts a bit more before finally looking up to Christen’s face. 

“Do you wanna get dinner?” Tobin rushes out, and Christen smiles. Tobin’s being weird, has been weird ever since Christen came back for the 2014 National  season and Jill put them in the same room. Christen thinks it’s just because she’s used to rooming with Allie, so she tries not to take too much offense to how uncomfortable Tobin always seems when they’re alone together. 

“Sure!” She puts her book on the side table, sliding the cute bookmark Kelley gave her into it. “Who else is coming?”

“Oh uh, I’m not sure.” Tobin says, scratching her neck and looking away from Christen. she’s fidgety all over again, and she won’t look back at Christen. 

“Well we can just ask around, see who’s hungry, right?” She says, trying to be kind. Tobin’s odd behaviour might frustrate her to no end, but Christen tries not to judge people for their anxieties. Lord knows she has enough of her own. 

“Yeah yeah, sounds good.” Tobin says before abruptly turning around. “I’ll go check on Allie and Alex.”

“Yeah okay!” Christen says, but Tobin is already out the door. “Guess I’ll check on Kelley and Ashlyn.”

They manage to get a good group together. Alex stays behind to Skype her fiancé, and Allie’s dead asleep, but Megan and Abby join them too, so it’s the six of them walking into the cute Italian restaurant down the street. 

Christen ends up next to Kelley on the end, Tobin sitting herself on the other end of the table, as far away as she can get, and not looking towards them once. Christen’s beginning to get frustrated with her hot and cold behaviour, never sure how to navigate talking to her, much less how to even try hanging out with her. Kelley must pick up on it, because she starts needling Christen about her mood. 

“Seriously, what’s up with you?” She asks, frowning at Christen. 

“It’s nothing, just roommate stuff.” She says, hoping Kelley will drop it. She doesn’t of course, instead a sympathetic smile takes over her face. 

“Is Tobin being weird again?” Christen sighs and glances down the table, but Tobin is completely engrossed in conversation with Megan, doesn’t even hear her name being said. “I thought she got over that last year?”

“I’ll figure it out, leave it alone, okay?” She asks Kelley, who just shrugs, her smile turning into more of a smirk. 

“Okay. Let me know when it gets to be too much.” She says and Christen rolls her eyes but nods anyways. 

They all skip dessert, agreeing that it’s not worth Dawn’s wrath, and head back to the hotel. Christen fully expects Tobin to disappear, to Alex and Allie’s room or wherever it is she hides at night until lights out, so Christen’s surprised when she follows her into the room. 

“That was fun!” She says and Tobin nods, before pulling out her laptop and climbing into her bed. Christen sighs and grabs her pyjamas, heading into the bathroom to change and avoid the room for a second longer. 

The thing is, Christen and Tobin used to get along really well. When Christen was first called up they already knew each other from the youth team and the Pali Blues. They’re great on the pitch, and when other teammates are around it’s easy to joke around with each other. Last year, during the Algarve cup they’d gotten close even, Kelley forcing Christen to hanging out with her and Hope and Alex, who in turn forced Tobin to join. Tobin had been weird just like this for about a week, but she’d gotten over it quickly. So Christen thought it would be fun when Dawn announced them as roommates, Christen had been excited. 

But within the first week it was clear her and Tobin’s friendship had somehow fallen apart in the three months since they’d seen each other. Sure Christen was in Sweden, and was notoriously bad at maintaining long distance friendships, and Tobin has no idea how to use her phone, but it was still strange how Tobin spent her time avoiding Christen and awkwardly fumbling when they were alone together. 

It’s been three weeks now, the championship is almost over, and Christen is getting increasingly frustrated. She felt more comfortable when she was rooming with a couple of her Swedish teammates who barely spoke English- even they tried harder to spend time together. 

Christen looks at herself in the mirror and shakes her head. She’s got her old Stanford shirt on, a bagging tattered thing that she loves, and her sleep shorts are overly worn and soft, so she’s prepared to just leave and crawl into bed. She doesn’t expect to come out to a barebacked Tobin still changing. 

“Shoot, sorry!” She squeaks and turns around to face the bathroom door. Her cheeks are burning and she feels ridiculously embarrassed, which is stupid because she’s seen almost all her teammates in various stages of undress through the season. 

“It’s fine.” Tobin says, but her voice is high and choked off, and Christen feels extremely bad. Not that she should, it’s not like she’s actually done anything wrong, but she still feels awkward and clammy. “You’re good now.”

Christen breathes out slowly and turns around.Tobin’s already curled back up on her bed, sheets covering her legs and a baggy UNC shirt on. Her hair is up in that silly half bun she does sometimes, and she’s got her big glasses on. 

“I like your glasses.” Christen says, and immediately wants to hit herself. She’s still standing by the bathroom door, and quickly forces herself to move to her suitcase, putting her old clothes on the dirty side, and then crawling under her covers. 

“Thanks.” Tobin says after a minute, and Christen cringes. She doesn’t look over, just pretends to be reading her book and trying to force her cheeks to cool down. 

Christen puts her book down once she feels her cheeks finally go back to their normal colour, and she’s about to ask if she can turn off the light when Tobin speaks up. 

“Hey I’m sorry I’ve been so weird.” She says, voice quiet. Christen looks over to see her slumped down and staring up at the ceiling, glasses askew. 

“What?” She asks, mind a little sidetracked by the glasses and how badly she wants to fix them. She shakes her head in an attempt to clear it and focus on what Tobin is saying. 

“I know I’ve been acting weird around you, I’m sorry about that.” She says, a frown on her face. 

“Can I ask why?” Christen says, hoping it’s not pushing her luck, but desperately needing to know. Tobin shifts, pulling herself up so she’s sitting cross legged and slightly facing Christen. She pulls her glasses off and puts them down on the bedside table, her other hand going to rub the back of her neck. 

“Uh, you make me... nervous I guess?” She says, cringing a little. 

“I make you nervous?” Christen tries to clarify but Tobin only nods. “How do I make you nervous? I’ve been trying to be nice to you.”

“No, you’ve been super nice!” Tobin looks up, eyes wide, trying to reassure Christen. “It’s not anything you’ve done!”

“Oh,” Christen relaxes a bit, “What is it then?”

“Uh, well, I just,” Tobin takes in a deep breath, “I just think you’re very pretty and funny, and you make me nervous.”

Christen blinks at her blankly, trying to wrap her head around this new information. She’s pretty sure Tobin is trying to tell her she’s attracted to Christen, but her mind is kind of swimming with the information and it’s not fully sinking in. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Tobin says, looking down again. Christen follows her eyes, to where her fingers are fidgeting with the sheet, all anxious energy. 

“I’m not uncomfortable.” She says, and it’s the truth. She’s confused, yes, and a little disbelieving, but not uncomfortable. 

“Oh okay. Cool.” Tobin says, laying her hands flat on her thighs and flexing her fingers over and over. 

“You don’t have to be nervous.” Christen finds herself saying, looking down at her own fidgeting hands. She’s about to say more, although she’s not sure what, but there’s a loud knock at their door. 

Christen gets up to answer, and steps back in surprise as Kelley pushes her way throughand into the room, throwing herself onto Christen’s bed. 

“Ashlyn and Ali are at it again!” Kelley huffs and both Christen and Tobin give out deep sighs. “Oh no, sorry, not fighting. I meant sex, they’re back to having sex again.”

“Oh,” Tobin says face scrunching, “gross.”

“Right? But at least our next practice will be okay.” Kelley says and Christen rolls her eyes. She crawls back into her bed and pushes Kelley around until they’re comfortably sharing. She’s a little upset Kelley interrupted, but she’s also relieved. 

She’s still not sure what to think, or feel, about what Tobin said. Kelley is a good distraction for about an hour, but then both she and Tobin fall asleep, and Christen is just left with her thoughts. 

It’s hard for Christen to put together her idea of Tobin with the idea of Tobin being attracted to her. To her Tobin is aloof and “chill,” always excited about practice and eating, and maybe too obsessed with Arsenal. However, the last few weeks, her awkward and nervous behaviour, makes more sense if Christen thinks about it as Tobin feeling nervous about being attracted to Christen, instead of not liking Christen. 

But it’s also hard for Christen to distance her own feelings towards Tobin from colouring her new thoughts. She likes Tobin, she’s funny and sweet, and she’s just as obsessed with soccer as Christen is. They’d gotten along easily before, but maybe Christen has been acting weird too, because if she thinks about it she’s been kind of avoiding Tobin too.Not to the same degree as Tobin has been avoiding her, but enough that maybe Christen should think about her own feelings some more. 

Those are her last thoughts before she slips into sleep, and she doesn’t have a chance to really think about it again with the intensity of practice kicking up. By the time they get home at night they’re both too exhausted to do anything but sleep, and Kelley ends up in their room about every other night.

(By the time she’s on her plane back to Sweden, Christen realises that while Tobin stopped acting so weird around her, they never really talked about it more. She thinks maybe they should talk about it more, at the next camp.

She’s surprised when Tobin texts her two days later, some meaningless comments about a new ice cream place she found. It makes Christen smile, and it’s also the start of their new friendship.)

~~~

2016/2017

“Can we just leave them up a little longer?” Tobin asks, pouting at Christen, and it’s cute and sweet and Christen can feel herself caving without any resistance. 

“We can leave them up as long as you want.” She says without thinking. “Sorry, no, we can leave them up through January.”

“That’s fair.” Tobin laughs a little, and crawls back onto the couch to curl up with Christen. The LA house is nice, all white walls and dark wooden floors. The Christmas lights strung up on the back porch reflect through the windows, giving light multi coloured tinges to the ceiling. It’s peaceful, a slight breeze coming through the open window, and Christen nuzzles herself into Tobin’s neck, moving until she’s half on top of Tobin. 

She leans back to peck her cheek, and Tobin smiles when she does it a few more times. They’ve been here for almost two weeks now, arriving just days after Christmas, and they’d been happily surprised to see Alex and Servando had put Christmas lights up during their stay the week before. 

Tobin had complained briefly, about the lack of snow and the heat, but Christen knows she likes that they’re right on the beach, that she can surf every morning if she wants to. Which she does; Christen stops joining her after the third day, choosing to go back to her old yoga studio instead. They’re both home before lunch though, alternating who cooks or picks up, and it’s so incredibly domestic that Christen is surprised she hasn’t slipped up and said something too soon. 

It took them almost three years to get where they are, happily together, officially, instead of pretending hooking up was all they wanted from each other. Christen knows what she feels, but she also knows Tobin gets spooked by too many emotions at once, so she’s stopping herself from saying anything. 

“Sometimes I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.” Tobin says, and Christen shifts off her some so they can look each other in the eye. She smiles at Christen and leans in to peck her quickly. “I like being this close to you.”

“Me too.” Christen says, too afraid to say anything more and slip up. Tobin just smiles peacefully before looking up at the ceiling. The words are screaming through Christen’s mind, but she clamps down on them, forces them out for now. She relaxes eventually, lets herself enjoy the rest of their vacation without letting herself clam up every time she feels too close to letting it slip. She lets them live in their domestic bliss, until Tobin has to go back to Portland and Christen has to go to Chicago. She enjoys every second they have together. 

~~~

2015

“Hey Chris.” Tobin smiles at her and Christen lets out the breath she was holding. 

“Hi Tobin.” She says, and then laughs and throws herself into her arms. “I missed you!” 

“I missed you too.” Tobin says, hugging her tight, and god Christen feels so much better. 

She knew leaving Sweden was the right choice, new she wanted to come back to the US (even if working with the red stars had been a tough adjustment at first) but being here in Tobin’s arms, knowing that she’s just as excited, wipes away the last of her doubts. 

“Okay I’m sure you’re exhausted because I know you didn’t sleep on your flight, so let’s get you to the hotel.” Tobin says, grabbing Christen’s bags despite her protests, and leads her out to the waiting car. 

“Yay Christen!” Allie cheers from the backseet, squeezing Christen’s shoulder as she gets in the passenger seat. She and Tobin both chuckle at Allie, but Christen finds herself slipping into sleep within five minutes, unable to keep up with their conversation. 

“Shut up Allie.” She hears Tobin say, still half asleep, and Allie huffs. 

“I’m just saying, you don’t really have an excuse anymore. She’s back, you’re back, it’s time.” Christen’s not really sure what they’re talking about, and she slips back asleep before she can really think about it. 

When she wakes up next it’s to Tobin shaking her shoulder and pulling her out of the car into a hotel. It’s nice, and when they get to the room Christen is too grateful there’s no surprise party or anything in their room. She collapses into bed, still in her flying clothes, and falls asleep to the sound of Tobin laughing lightly at her. 

“Chris? Hey, Chris?” Tobin shakes her slightly, so Christen rolls groggily off her stomach to her side. Tobin smiles at hr and sits down lightly on the edge of the bed. “Hey, some of the team are going to dinner in about half an hour, do you wanna go?”

Christen groans a little, at the idea of spending time with people right now. She’s really very excited to see everyone, but Tobin was right and she didn’t sleep on her flight at all, or the night before. She turns and buries her face in the pillow, hiding her dislike of the idea for a second, when she hears Tobin start chuckling. She pulls the pillow down and peeks up at her and has to fight an automatic smile back. 

“We don’t have to. We could just order some room service and you could see everyone after you’ve slept?” She says and Christen is nodding before she even finishes. 

“Yes please.” She croaks out, voice heavy with sleep, and Tobin smiles softly again, before reaching for the phone and menu. 

“You want the quinoa or spinach chicken salad?” She asks, and Christen feels a ridiculous warm feeling in her stomach. She’s kind of surprised Tobin remembers what she likes, but also not, because if she thinks about she knows Tobin is about to order whatever grilled chicken sandwich they have (hold the bun so Dawn doesn’t kill her).

“Quinoa is good.” She says softly, and watches as Tobin’s mouth twitches into a small smile. She feels happy right now, even though their teammates are out there, probably excited to see her, she’s happy just sitting here with Tobin. 

~~~

They fall into a routine, leading up to the cup. The friendlies are fun, the team trying out new formations at Jill’s request, some of them more confusing than helpful, but all of it at least fun. She and Tobin somehow keep ending up roommates, almost every other hotel, and she’s not sure why Dawn keeps putting them together, but she’s not going to ask in case it’s an accident. 

Tobin herself is good, so much better than last year, and Christen finds herself easing into a comfortable routine with her. When they’re roommates she wakes Tobin up, grabbing cheap coffee from the lobby, and bringing it up to an always cranky Tobin. (Christen has to try really hard to ignore the fond feelings that rise in her when she sees Tobin’s grumpy morning face.)

When they don’t room together Christen always comes down a little later, manages to meet Tobin by the hotel coffee stands almost every morning. (Unfortunately Tobin is just as cute dragging herself through the lobby and to the coffee machine with a glare on her face.) They’re almost always the first on the field, sometimes Hope and Megan beat them, but usually they’re first. She and Tobin warm up together, watching each other to make sure each one goes through enough stretches. 

The team can’t afford injuries right now, not this early, and especially not for something as useless as not warming up enough. 

They work together, sometimes Christen will force Tobin to follow along with a few simple yoga stretches, and even if Tobin grumbles her way through them, Christen knows they’re good for her. Then they’ll pass the ball, easy drills, dancing their way across the field, until one of them eventually gets bored and it becomes a game of keep away until the rest of the team arrives. 

It’s fun, light, and Christen hasn’t felt more at peace and connected with the game in years, finds herself falling even more in love with it. She credits Tobin mostly, Tobin’s focus and skill and accidental pressuring, for pushing her to work harder, to actually enjoy it more. She finds herself laughing during practice, sometimes even during games. 

Of course, what goes up must come down, and Christen’s euphoria comes crashing down only two games into the Cup. She knew it would be hard, playing with some of her old teammates, but she’s a little shocked at how rough they are with her. She never really picked up the Swedish or Finnish most of her teammates spoke, but she understands enough to recognise them cursing at her. It hurst more than she expected, and it pulls her out of the game completely, distracting her and making her lose focus. She’s barely done anything but run around uselessly for the entire first half. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Ashlyn asks, but Christen just pushes the hand off her shoulder gently. She can’t focus and just wants to go into the locker room and sit. She knows Jill is going to lecture, knows it‘s mostly her fault, and for the first time she almost wishes she could just be subbed out. 

“Hey.” Someone grabs her arm in the hallway, pulling her to the side. Christen is about to push them off, when she realises it’s Tobin, and she relaxes into her. They both lean against the wall, and Christen stares up at the ceiling. “What’s going on?”

“They’re mad at me.” She says, and Tobin makes a confused noise in the back of her throat. “My old teammates. On the Swedish team. They’ve been cursing me out the whole game, and I don’t know why.”

“Probably because they knew it would upset you.” Tobin says, voice soft, and Christen turns to her in confusion. “Chris, you played with them for a long time, they know how your brain works. They know this is the way to get you off your game.”

“But why would they do that?” She asks, even though it’s a stupid question. She knows why, and she can even understand it. But she still wants Tobin to tell her, for someone else to confirm. 

“Because they want to win.” Tobin does say, and Christen finally lets her shoulders relax, leaning heavier against the wall. She takes in a deep breath and nods, and Tobin squeezes her wrist lightly. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she says, opening her eyes and nodding determinedly, “yeah I am.”

“Good.” Tobin smiles and she smiles back, before they head into the locker room and catch the tail end of Jill’s rant. 

Christen does get subbed out, late in the second half, but it’s okay, she’s feeling much better about her later performance than she was before. And Tobin sits on the bench with her, keeps her just distracted enough they can watch the game without letting the stress overcome them. It’s a 0-0 tie, and Christen finds herself oddly relived by that, even if it means they’ll have to score more in the next round. 

~~~

Tobin starts acting weird around the quarterfinals. It’s not anything like last year, thankfully, but she’s off, quiet and nervous again, and it’s confusing to Christen. She thought they were doing better, even if neither of them have brought up Tobin’s confession or even gotten close to the subject. 

And it’s not like Tobin is avoiding her, their routine stays the same, Tobin just gets quieter and quieter as they get closer to the China match. Two days before Christen finally reaches the end of her patience, when Tobin doesn’t even drink her coffee that morning, instead just having a few sips and then throwing it away. 

“What’s wrong?” She asks, and cringes a little when it comes out slightly harsh. Tobin doesn’t even seem phased though, just furrows her brow and looks at the floor. They’re in their room, about to grab their bags and head to the field, and Tobin doesn’t say anything for a long minute. 

“I’m scared.” She says, and Christen’s never heard Tobin sound so small before. It takes her by surprise, and she’s not sure how to handle it. 

“Why are you scared?” She tries, and Tobin pats the bed next to her while she sits down. Christen walks over slowly, sits cross legged, facing Tobin. 

“If we don’t win against China, and if we don’t make it to the semis and the finals, What are we going to do?” Tobin says, voice getting tighter and tighter, and Christen thinks she might be about to cry. She grabs Tobin’s hand, tries tugging on it to get her to look over, but she won’t. Christen sighs, before scooting herself a little closer and cupping her hands around Tobin’s face, forcing her to look at her. 

“If we lose, and that’s a big if, then we lose. And we go back to NWSL and we play, and we come back for the next championship, and the next, and in 2019 we’ll come back and we’ll be better than ever.” She says, and Tobin starts shaking her head. 

“I just, I don’t know what I’ll do if we lose.” She looks so defeated that Christen suddenly feels far out of her depth. Tobin gets frustrated in the field, but she bounces back easy, always happy to play some more, always accepts a defeat easily. This is foreign territory for Christen. 

“What do you need?” She finds herself asking, and Tobin looks up at her in surprise. “Seriously Tobin, just tell me, I’ll give you whatever you need, just tell me how to help you.”

Tobin only stares at her, face suddenly blank, except for her widened eyes. She’s flicking back and forth between Christen’s, searching for something, so Christen tries to show on her face that she means it. She’ll do whatever Tobin needs it make this better, to help her, because she’s in pain seeing Tobin like this, it hurts in her stomach and her chest. 

“Please tell me what to do.” She whispers out, and Tobin lets out a soft breath, eyes flicking down to Christen’s lips for a brief second. 

Christen is suddenly all too aware of how close they are, her hands still holding Tobin’s face, less than half a foot away. At some point she moved enough for her knees to be pressed against Tobin’s leg and back, and they’re both leaning towards each other. Christen is thinking maybe this is about to happen, maybe she should close her eyes or do anything, when Tobin suddenly pulls back and out of her hands. 

“Not like this.” She says, it’s soft and sad, and Christen almost wants to flinch at it. Her hands drop slowly to her lap, and she looks blankly at the wall past Tobin. 

“Not like what?” She asks, and Tobin looks to the ceiling. 

“If I kiss you it’s not going to be because you’re trying to make me feel better. I don’t want that.” She says, and this time Christen does flinch. She pulls back, so there’s at least a foot of space between them, and puts her hands into her lap. 

“Okay.” She says, and tries to shake off how hurt she is. She knows Tobin has a good point, but she also knows at this rate they’re going to be stuck where they are forever. It doesn’t matter though, because that’s not what Christen is here for right now. She’s here to help Tobin, who at this point is probably her best friend, and needs her. “I still want to help you.”

“I know.” Tobin says, before looking back over to her. “Can we just run some drills for now and maybe talk about it later?”

“Whatever you want, Tobin.” She says, forcing a smile on her face. They grab their bags in silence, but I think the hallway Tobin starts up an easy stream of conversation about the arsenal game they watched a few nights before, and Christen lets herself get distracted arguing with her over the best plays. 

By the end of the day they’re both exhausted, Jill having put them through their paces, and Christen laughs as Tobin collapses face first into their bed when they get back. 

“I hate ice baths.” Tobin mutters to her and Christen smiles. 

“They’re good for you.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t hate them.” Christen snorts, but goes over to pull her up gently, cringing a bit as it pulls on her tired muscles. “Come on, you have to help me.”

Tobin groans, long and loud, and Christen giggles, but eventually gets her off the bed and into the bathroom where bags of ice have been stashed in their bathtub. 

“Do you ever think it’s weird that the coaches have access to our room.” Tobin says and Christen sighs. 

“I actually just try not to think about it.” Tobin snorts and it jostles her bag so a few ice cubes slip to the floor instead of the tub. 

“Healthy.” She says dryly, before attempting to squat down and grab the loose ice cubes. She groans in pain as she does so, and Christen feels bad about it, but she finds herself giggling at the noise. Tobin glares at her once she stands up again, but her mouth is twitching so Christen knows she’s just as amused. 

“Fuck fuck fuck.” Tobin says as she eases herself into the tub, pulling her shirt off at the last second. Christen pretends to busy herself with grabbing her a towel so she doesn’t watch, before trying to leave the room. “Where are you going?”

“I figured I’d go after you?” Christen says, paused in the doorway. She wasn’t sure if Tobin was still upset about this morning, doesn’t want to push her luck at all. 

“There won’t be any ice left, if I have to do this you have to do this.” Tobin says, crossing her arms with a wince, and Christen snorts again. “Fair is fair Chris.”

“Fine, fine.” She says, before trying to quickly remove her sweats and sweatshirt. She’s still slow, but at least she knows for her own sake that’s she’s trying not to drag it out, not when Tobin’s still watching her. She doesn’t make eye contact as she steps into the tub and arranges herself so Tobin’s legs are to her left and their feet are next to each other’s hips. 

“Thank you.” Tobin says after a minute of silence, and Christen looks up at her for the first time. She’s watching Christen, eyes slightly lidded, and Christen feels her heart skip a tiny beat. 

“For what?” She gets out, and pretends the shakiness is because of the cold water and not her erratic heart. 

“For trying to make sure I was okay. It meant a lot to me.” She says and looks away, down at the bathroom floor. 

“I always want you to be okay.” She says immediately, not really thinking about how it sounds. “I mean I always want you to be better than okay. I want you to be good, to be great!”

Tobin snorts again, and Christen closes her mouth, can feel the blush rising on her cheeks. Tobin looks back up finally and smiles softly at Christen. 

“Thanks Chris.” She says, and Christen tries to make herself relax a little more, as much as she can with freezing water up to her waist. “So how much longer do we have to do this?”

“Seven more minutes.” She says and Tobin throws her head back with a groan. Christen giggles at her and Tobin’s mouth twitches into a big smile. 

“Five more minutes of hell.”

“Big baby.” Christen taunts (even though she agrees), just to see the cute glare Tobin sends her way. 

After, they both wrap themselves in sweatpants and blankets, and Christen lets Tobin turn on one of her god-awful hallmark movies to fall asleep to. Tobin falls asleep first, she always does, and Christen takes the opportunity to watch her for just a minute. 

She’s beautiful, that’s never been a question, but there’s something else about Tobin that makes Christen’s stomach tie up in knots. Maybe it’s her semi-dry humour, or her passion for the game, or even just her absurd grumpiness in the morning. Whatever it is, Christen finds herself sinking more and more, into whatever these feelings she has are. She thinks maybe she should be worried, but she’s not, feels oddly at peace with it, for now at least. 

~~~

2016

“Come visit me.” The voice over the phone is a little breathless, and Christen smiles big where she can’t see. 

“You know I can’t.” She says, and Tobin groans. 

“C’mon, just for a week!” She’s whining and Christen has to hold back a snort. 

“Tobin, I can’t come to Portland for just a week, pre-season starts in less than a month, you know this!” Tobin lets out a long annoyed sound and Christen giggles at it. 

“It’s just a week, we can split the flight and I’ll pay for all your food!” She says and Christen sighs. It’s not that she doesn’t want to, she desperately wants to, but if she does she’s worried she’ll stay until she has to leave for pre-season. 

“Tobin flights will be so expensive this late and a hotel will be expensive and I can’t just let-“

“Why would you stay in a hotel?” Tobin interrupts and Christen freezes. “I have an apartment you’re not staying in a hotel, Chris.”

“I can’t come visit you.” She tries again, but Tobin just sighs and Christen can practically see her shaking her head. 

“Yes you can! You’re just being stubborn!”

“So are you!”

“Yeah but I’m right!” Christen bursts into giggles and Tobin joins after a second before taking a deep breath. “Please come visit me, I’m lonely.”

“You have an entire team to hang out with.” Christen says, but she can feel herself wavering, giving in to Tobin’s begging. 

“Yeah but none of them are as good as you.” Christen blushes and rolls her eyes, but sighs as she feels herself finally start to give in. 

“I can only come for a week,” she says and Tobin cheers, “I’m serious, there’s no pushing my flight back or begging me to stay longer, okay?”

“Yes yes, whatever you want!” Tobin’s says and Christen snorts. She knows for a fact Tobin is going to spend the entire time trying to convince her to stay longer. 

(She’s right, but she’s stubborn enough not to agree, to keep her original flight plan. She’s not stubborn enough to stop Tobin from following her back to Chicago.) 

~~~

2015

“Tobin?” She asks, and Tobin turns to her with a blank look, smile frozen on her face. She blinks at Christen a few times before they’re surrounded by teammates, and everyone is screaming and laughing. Christen finds herself tugged around, person to person as she hugs everyone. It’s madness and chaos and Christen has never been happier. 

She’s lost as the confetti falls over them and the team hoists the trophy in the air, and she’s lost as people start peeling off, some staying to jump and stare at the confetti some more, and some heading to the photo op. She ends up next to Arod, and then Abby, and then Tobin’s arms are around her, gripping her waist and pulling her in, and she sighs into it, stares up at the confetti and breathes it in. 

And then there’s shouting and they’re being pulled again; to the photo op and then to the field for more jumping and cheering. They make it to the locker room eventually, and there’s beer and bread and Christen moans as she bites into a roll, Tobin laughing at her as she sips a beer and everyone around them goes crazy. They join in, and Tobin laughs in surprise as Christen opens her third beer, and she and Abby and Megan are crying, and then she’s holding Ashlyn and they’re crying, and then everyone is moving and Christen sort of looses track of time until they’re almost back at the hotel. 

She and Tobin are sitting together, holding hands in the air and singing along to some song Christen didn’t even know she knew the lyrics too. She feels light, happy and unbothered, and when she and Tobin lower their arms she kisses the back of her hand with a happy sigh and doesn’t notice the choked look on Tobin’s face when she’s does so. 

They go out, to some big bar or club, and Kelley keeps giving Christen drinks, more than she’s probably had since her first month of college, and Christen knows she’s probably too drunk but it’s okay because they won. They won the the World Cup. 

She finds Tobin maybe an hour into the night, though she’s not really sure, her sense of time knocked completely off by the alcohol. She’s talking to Megan and Arod, and Christen smiles as she watches them animatedly waving their hands at each other. Kelley snorts on her left, and she turns to her with a raised eyebrow. 

“Smile at her like that any longer and I might vomit.” She says and Christen furrows her eyebrows, not sure what Kelley means. “Oh come on. You can’t be that oblivious?”

“What are you talking about?” She asks and Kelley lets out a large sigh, staring up at the ceiling. 

“Just go kiss her already. You both want to you’re both just dumb.” She says before draining her beer and walking away. Christen blinks after her in surprise, before looking down at her half full glass with a frown. The alcohol is making everyone confusing. 

“Hey.” Someone says and Christen turns to see Tobin on her left. She smiles at her brightly and Tobin smiles softly back, before pointing her glass towards Kelley, who’s now back at the bar. “What was that about?”

“I don’t know? I think she wants me to kiss someone but I don’t know why.” She frowns and turns back to face Tobin, who’s looking at her with wide eyes. 

“Who does she want you to kiss.” She asks, voice weirdly panicked as her eyes flick around the room. Christen frowns down at her beer again, because maybe it’s not the beer and everyone is just being weird right now no matter what they’re drinking. 

“She obviously means you.” Her mouth says, and Christen freezes in shock. She doesn’t look up from her glass, just keeps looking down at it unsure of what to do, because she hadn’t meant to say that aloud. 

“Me?” Tobin says after a pause, and it’s a little choked off, maybe even shocked. Chris looks up at her through her lashes and Tobin is just staring, openly with her jaw slightly dropped at Christen. It makes her giggle, unfortunately, and Tobin’s mouth closes only to shift into a soft smile as she takes a step closer. 

Christen turns to face her fully, leaning against the table and smiles back at Tobin as she steps close enough for their toes to almost touch. Tobin puts her glass down, but leaves her hand near Christen’s, who’s feeling bold enough to brush their fingers together. 

“So, come here often?” Tobin asks and Christen snorts, looking down at the ground and shaking her head before pulling back up. Tobin’s closer now, her face angled towards hers, and Christen breath catches in her throat. 

“Hi.” She whispers out, can’t remember what Tobin said before or what they were doing before, can’t focus on anything but how close Tobin is now and how badly she wants her to be closer. 

“Hi.” Tobin whispers back, and smiles at Christen before pulling away a bit. Christen frowns but Tobin just winds her hand through Christen’s fully, holding tight. “Do you wanna go on a walk with me?”

“Yes.” She says, all conviction, and Tobin laughs before pulling her away and towards the back of the bar/club. “Where are we going?”

“I found this earlier with Kling.” Tobin says, pulling Christen through a side door and out onto a patio. It’s empty, and the cool night air feels wonderful on Christen’s hot skin. It’s nice, potted plants and stools scattered around, a nice view of some small river. 

“It’s pretty.” Christen says, but turns to Tobin, more interested in her and how good she looks. She’s got a leather jacket and white shirt on, jeans that are ripped up one leg and, as always, high top Jordan’s. She looks good, mouth-wateringly good, and Christen finds herself stepping closer to her without conscious thought. 

“Hi.” Tobin smirks at her, eyes lidded and body relaxed, letting Christen step close without even shifting backwards. They’re almost the same height, she’s just a little taller than Tobin, but their eyes match up, so Christen’s looking right into hers when she takes another step forwards, until their hips are almost touching. 

Tobin’s smirk fades, eyes widening a little as Christen’s hands find her hips, rest on them easily. Tobin swallows thickly, and Christen leans forward even more, until their noses are just brushing. 

“What are you doing.” Tobin says, breathless and quiet, left hand coming to Christen’s hip, squeezing it lightly. Christen pushes her hips forward, into Tobin’s, and she wishes they were closer to a wall sos he could push Tobin against it. They’re in the middle of the patio though, and her knees are starting to feel a little weak just from being so close. 

“Taking Kelley’s advice.” She says, slightly surprised she’s still able to follow the conversation with how many butterflies are in her stomach and chest. She runs her nose along Tobin’s, tilting her head while Tobin’s mouth parts just slightly. Tobin’s hand flexes, squeezing Christen’s hip, and she involuntarily pushes further into to Tobin, who takes the weight easily, her other hand coming up to cup Christen’s cheek. 

She surprised when Tobin is the one to move first, pulling back slightly and then back in, sliding their lips together. Tobin tastes faintly like soda, maybe from her mixed drink, and Christen’s knees start going weak. Their lips press softly together, once, twice, before Christen pushes forward, keeping them firmly together. 

It’s easy, getting lost in it, her right hand rubbing circles into Tobin’s exposed hip whole her left slides up her back to tangle in her loose hair. She pulls slightly, and Tobin gasps into her mouth, giving Christen the opportunity to slide her tongue in. 

They tangle together, and Christen loses herself in it, loses track of everything but the sensation of Tobin’s mouth. She doesn’t even realise they’re walking backwards until the door is against her back and Tobin is pushing them against it. Their legs tangle, Tobin’s sliding between Christen’s and she can’t help the way she grinds down slightly, pulling back to gasp into the air. Tobin just keeps kissing her, from her cheek to her neck, and Christen can’t catch her breath because it all feels so good. 

“Are you okay?” Tobin asks into the junction between her neck and shoulder, sending goosebumps across her skin. 

“Yes.” She manages to gasp out, flexing her fingers in Tobin’s hair again, pulling her back and up to face her. “Are you?”

“Never better.” She says, smile lighting quick before she’s leaning back in. Christen welcomes her, pulling her closer by the hand in her hip and sliding her own leg high, until she’s pressing against Tobin. She feels reckless and high, completely absorbed by the way Tobin is practically surrounding her. 

The door banging behind her back as someone tries to open it startles them out of it, and they jump away from the door and each other as someone pushes through. 

“Oh, we missed it.” Alex says, pointing and pouring between the two of them. Tobin glares at her but Christen just feels amused, wonders how many of their teammates have been waiting for this to happen. Kelley comes stumbling out then, and Christen now wonders if maybe Kelley is the only one, rpoint Alex into it in solidarity. 

“Oh good you figured it out.” Kelley says, and salutes with her beer before walking over to Alex and waving them away. Christen watches in amusement as the two of them lean against the railing, keeping just enough space between them so they’re not touching. 

“I kind of always thought it would be them.” Christen finds herself saying, and Tobin snorts, suddenly close to her again, and leans her head into her shoulder. 

“I don’t think either of them will ever figure that one out.” She whispers into Christen’s shoulder and she has to nod in agreement. But then Tobin is kissing it, and back up her neck, before pulling Christen to the side, almost hidden by some plants. She giggles a little as Tobin kisses her cheek, but it stops when she abruptly slides their mouths together, and Christen moans into her lightly. 

“Oi! Not while we’re out here!” Kelley shouts, and both of them burst out laughing. Kelley comes back from the patio, a dazed looking Alex following, and points her finger between the two of them. “No more kissing it up. This is a party for all of us, come back inside!”

“You really need to make up your mind.” Alex says, and Tobin snorts while Kelley just huffs and turns back to yank the door open. “She’s right though, people are going to start missing you guys.”

“Fiiiiine.” Tobin drags out, grabbing Christen’s hand and pulling her out of the corner. Alex goes through the door, so Christen tugs Tobin back quickly. She cups her jaw and leans in just quick enough for a few pecks, before letting their hands fall away from each other and leading them both back into the crowded room. 


End file.
